Jan. 26, 2021

Heavy Is The Crown

Heavy Is The Crown

I sometimes want to complain about situations in my life. I am human and I want to run like many people to social media and just vent, but i quickly jump to my senses and I live in my feelings for 10-20 minutes and then I move forward and I focus on the solution. It is not an easy thing to do, and sometimes those minutes can turn into an hour, but I make it a point to not dwell in it.

When I do have those moments I am actually thankful because I am a strong believer that God will never put more on you than you can handle. So when I am going through it, I know that He knows that I can get through it. I have alot on my plate, and people are depending on me, but again God will never put more on me than I can handle. I am 40yrs old and 40yrs ago God had already set the course for my life! 

In life you have free will, meaning you can do whatever it is you want to do, but whatever you choose to do will have consequences. So its kinda like if you go left than there are a certain things that will happen to you and if you go right the same, but you do have the free will to choose! I have been both roads and I am thankful that when I did choose the wrong path, I had enough common sense to correct myself, but I want to be honest with you about something. Being intentional about doing the right thing is a lonely path and let me explain what I mean.

When I wasn't living up to my full potential, I had many friends, I was the life of the party and people just loved to be around me. As soon as I decided to get my life together, things changed, people left and I became the person who "thought they knew everything." It hurt at times because you feel like your missing out and if your not a strong minded person, you will do things just to feel apart of something.

I never really had an issue losing friends because I never felt the need to live for the applause of the crowd because when they stop clapping you will find yourself in a odd place! My issue though was family! I have done more for people behind the scenes, I have answered the phone anytime of the night, I have given advice, but recently I have sat back and really started thinking about things.

I can count on one hand who actually calls to check up on me! I see people who reward bad behavior by giving people attention who we know what they are doing, and we know the real things happening behind the scenes. The problem with that is, when you reward bad behavior they will keep doing it! That is why my motto is for 2021, I am not holding anything back, if you ask me, I am going to tell the absolut truth! Now I am not going to let someone block my blessings by going out of my way to put people on blast, but I am not going to lie either!

You see once you learn to love yourself in entirety, you understand that you can no longer shrink yourself to make someone else feel comfortable! It is often the people who you love the most that you will have the issues with simply because you love them, but you must learn to love them from a distant if loving them closely causes you to not be the best version of yourself! 

The things that I was taught at a very young age is what is getting me through as we speak! You can't imagine what I am going through right now, you wouldn't understand why I don't sleep. I am GROWING through it, and when I get through it, I will be a better version of myself! 

I will leave you with this, my testimony will be revealed, what I am GROWING through is heavy simply because it is a battle of faith, and my worst fear is watching the ones you love go through something that only God can handle. You see when things happen to myself I can handle that, but watching a loved one go through it can be unbearable! What I have learned though, is how you handle things can be the blessing that someone else needs to see!