March 30, 2022

What Your Trigger Really Means

What Your Trigger Really Means

We often use the phrase "You're pushing my buttons," as a warning that a person is getting on your nerves. I believe though that it is more to it than that! You see I believe so many people have unhealed trauma! Let me explain what I mean.

I hate to beat a dead horse, but what Will did to Chris wasn't so much about the joke, wasn't so much about Jada, it was the pain that Will had not taken the time to address his pain. You see all of the jokings, all of the time acting as if you're all good, or putting aside YOUR pain to appease someone else is literally creating a fuse that is a match away from blowing up!

There are so many people out there that have been living like a false narrative. Upon first glance, they seem like they have everything together. They have the career, they have the material things, and they are living a life that many people are praying for right now! The problem though when you live under the guise that you have everything figured out, you put yourself in a position of isolation.

You feel like you don't have anybody to talk to about your problems, and you really will fake your way to believe that narrative. That narrative is a falsehood, it isn't that you don't have people to talk to, its that you are afraid to show your struggles because you have been a part of many conversations about people whom you think just couldn't get right, or you have talked to people who have come to you for advice and there was a disconnection because you make them feel like they are crazy because what they are going through you make them feel like is really as simple as making a certain decision.

It is because of this mindset, you began to lose friendships, and when you lose those friendships you say things like "They don't know what they want in life" or "I don't want to be around negative energy." To a degree that might be true, but the real reason you have lost friends, or people can't talk to you is simply because they don't know who you really are!

You see we hide behind "they" and "them" because it makes it easier to digest what we are going through. It is hard for some people to look in the mirror and really see the role they play in situations and because of that, the people that really depend on you, or the people that love you, or the people that God has assigned to you suffer because you are quick to through those people away and find another set of people because you don't want to examine yourself.

You see you normally have an issue with someone close to you because they have something you don't and I am not talking about materialistic things. Let's say you are in a relationship with someone who is automatically themselves. They have no problem with crying, they have no problem apologizing, they have no problems saying how they feel. This person knows what they want in life and they have found their purpose and walking in it. Now you might not be comfortable crying, may not be comfortable saying how you feel, and really don't know your purpose and because of this, everything the other person does "triggers" you.

It triggers you because although on the surface you act as if you have everything going for you, inside you struggle with being good enough, but that feeling comes from as a child never thinking what you did make your parents happy. You might have looked at other people's parents and thought they had everything going for them and because of that, you wanted to distance yourself from yours. You set out to be the best you can be, but because you have never addressed that childhood pain, you are never fully happy because the people you're trying to impress never give you that ovation you so desire!

Your motivation remains to have that ovation but as we know, if you live for the applause, you will die from the criticism! Could it be that the people you want to impress simply don't have the bandwidth to give you what you want because they haven't addressed their issues? Meanwhile, there is someone that isn't getting your best because of your unhealed trauma.

This has a destructive ripple effect on every facet of your life. You can never fully get comfortable with your accomplishments because you always feel as if you are running a race but you have already won! Normally it's the person that is closest to you who feels it the most. You have animosity towards them simply because they represent something that you yearn for inside. 

You began to crew hop(meaning jumping to a new set of friends) simply because your other friends have begun to see through the cracks, so you pick something out about them to fit the narrative of your growth. You feel good helping your new friends because that gives you a sense of purpose, but the people that need you the most get the short end of the stick because you need the ovation and they don't provide that anymore simply because they are familiar and you heard those cheers before.

So when life hits you hard, you hold it inside because you have never allowed yourself to be human, you can't let that guard down to anyone, the person that knows the real you, you don't turn to because you feel they view you as being weak, and again that all comes from your unhealed trauma!

So with all that being said, there you stand! You won, you have everything you prayed for BUT that still doesn't make you happy all because you haven't dealt with that unhealed drama! My advice is simple, you have to understand and learn your "why." You have to understand that nobody is perfect and while you spend this time trying to be that, you are wasting time that you can't get back! Life isn't a Sportscenter highlight reel! The real joy in life is seeing how you overcame hardship and that testimony blessing someone else! Everything you need you already have, but you won't see it or appreciate it because the prescription lens you're looking out for has expired!